I wrote this almost two years ago and felt like posting it right now,... I have a BEST friend that is going through something similar - and i just feel this is worth posting.... maybe it will help someone through a tough time?
Relationships end.......
Whether it's a good friendship gone bad,... someone dying,... or maybe a teacher/student relationship ending....perhaps a co-worker moving,...or even your spouse.... relationships end.
I believe it is in the cards,.... in order for you to complete your personal journey in your life, the one that was designed just for you,.. certain relationships must end, so you can embark on new ones ... better ones,... more healthy ones... ones that make you more happy than you ever thought you could be.
Also I believe every relationship has significance ... you get something out of each person you encounter - whether it's for a moment, months, or years.... there was something you needed from that relationship to become a better person,.... or a lesson that needed to be learned,.. or maybe it was you that was doing the teaching,...and didnt even know it.
Not all relationships start out good,....Even those people you have to encounter that radiate negativity are an important meeting in your life because they can help you grow spiritually, - strengthen your soul and make better human beings. No one escapes misery, rejection or pain,... it is what we do with it that makes us grow.
Keep in mind that spirituality is truly food for the soul, and we sometimes confuse it with religion. Religion is an expression of our spirituality, while spirituality itself resides within us and guides our daily actions. We all need something to believe in,... to give us hope and innerpeace - to make sense of each of the relationships in our lives.
There are many "themes" of humanity and I believe our personal lifes "theme" was chosen prior to birth.... you will encounter many people on your lifes journey that will help you fulfill that theme...and you may not even recognize it. For example,.. one theme is a caretaker,... if that is your lifes theme,.. you will always encounter people that need your help... life will just have a way of making your path cross with those that need you.. that you enjoy helping.,... another theme may be a catalyst..people that make things happen... if you need something to happen in your life,.. you will, inevitably cross paths with this type of person,... that happens to be there just at the right time and place.... there are many, many themes but i think you get where i am going with that....
If you're in a relationship and your "themes" dont mesh, .. you may realize the realtionship is going to end,.... a hole will being to appear in the fabric of your relationship, .. it can get larger and larger,.... is it fixable? Is it worth fixing? Ask yourself just how far you're willing to go to sacrifice yourself or your learning ability for the sake of staying in a relationship that stiffles you? Or a relationship where you can't be you?
I have had many relationships in my life that have eneded over the years,.... with people i thought were friends,... bosses i thought were wonderful,... etc... but i do not regret any of them,... i learned much from each one and am grateful for every encounter i have had ~ you don't really know yourself until you can sit back and realize - analyze all you've been through,.. what you've learned ....from who.... and enjoyed what positive relationships feel like,..... and hold on to that hope of pure happiness - where your heart is full and you wake up wondering what great things will happen today....if you havent done that in a while,... you need to refocus.... life is too short.
It's all a work in progess,..my rambling is as well,... but it surely worth thinking about,... what has the "theme" of your life been? Does it feel right? What do you WANT the theme of your life to be? Don't let someone else tell you your theme,... or manipulate you so you think that is your theme,... step back,... take a look at what YOU wanted.... what theme is you ?.... The leader,.. the humanitarian? the healer? The persecutor... the perfectionist? The pawn? The list goes on and on.... My theme right now may be analyzer.... not sure (will have to get back to you on that...lol)
Relationships end,...... new ones start .... be thankful for every soul that enters your life, even if it was for a minute.... there was a reason for it.... and if you don't think so, ...then they MUST have needed YOU.
Don’t regret that relationship that is ending,… be ready for new ones. Know that your relationship with that person was meant to be for a certain time … you cant force relationships to continue,… you know when it’s over,…. GOD is wanting you to end that one, and move forward for the special life HE had planned for you long ago. Believe it… embrace it. Be grateful for the things that came out of that relationship,.. and the many lessons you learned ~ but don’t let fear, sadness, and guilt keep you there. YOU are meant to continue on your journey… and that is what you should do. All relationships are worth your time - but how much of your time should you give, when it's supposed to end.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Can you "fear" anxiety??
I always thought anxiety issues that people claimed to have were a "crock" and an excuse not to participate in something, or just be lazy and opt out of life situations that make you uncomfortable or require effort. That turned out to be just another little thing I was wrong about during my little journey through life. Unbelievably (haha) this was not the first rude awakening i have had, nor will it be the last, I am sure.
Now to put it in perspective, i must differentiate between fear and anxiety. Any time you face what seems to be a serious threat to your well-being, you may react with the state of immediate alarm, known as FEAR. When you cannot pinpoint a specific cause for your alarm, but you feel tense and edgy, as if you EXPECT something unpleasant to happen - a sense of upcoming danger; that describes anxiety. The physiological features of fear and anxiety are very similar: increased breathing or a difficult time breathing, muscular tension, perspiration, increased heart rate... etc. The body responds the same to fear and anxiety, but they are definitely not the same.
I started having anxiety attacks about five years ago. I have slight ones frequently during the week... just a feeling that something is going to happen (which coincidentally, i am normally right - but that is a whole other topic to be discussed at a later date). I have only experienced a severe attack a few times - three to be exact. It can be crippling - the first time I truly thought I was having a heart attack.
In studying anxiety disorders i have found several interesting facts that i would like to share. According to Freud, children who were 'stifled' by their parents - not able to express themselves, or scared to misbehave due to particular consequences, may be at risk for adult anxiety. Think about it.. children experience realistic anxiety when they face actual danger as a young child, neurotic anxiety wen they are repeatedly prevented, by parents, or by circumstance, from expressing their id impulses, and moral anxiety when they are punished or threatened for expressing certain impulses. I have thought about this one frequently. My parents were very strict. We did not talk out of turn or discuss things of a sexual nature. We did not feel able to express our ideas freely, in my opinion. My parents are great, don't get me wrong, but certain generations are likely to grow up that exact same way: with manners, and proper behavior. Did having to leave the room all the time when our folks had company make us feel inferior? Not worthy of contributing to a conversation? Did not being able to express our anger during our teen years for fear of being in trouble.. or not being able to argue our points (wrong or right,.. isn't it important to be heard?)~ did these suppressed feelings lie in wait, -- stuffed deep down into our subconscious, waiting to creep out during our adult lives in the shape of adult anxiety?
Biological theorists believe that anxiety disorder is caused chiefly by biological factors - family pedigree. Researchers try to study how many people of the same pedigree have a tendency towards anxiety disorders. Like most studies, there are always studies to rebuke that - i mean,... if three of five children have anxiety disorders, is it because of their family genes, ... or (as i believe) because they were raised in the same atmosphere - raised by the same parents - thereby not really involving your physiological make-up at all .. but more like your immediate environment.
It is also argued that some children's ego defense mechanisms may simply be too weak to cope with even normal levels of anxiety. Overprotected children, shielded by their parents from all frustrations and threats, have little opportunity to develop effective defense mechanism. When they face the pressures of adult life, their defense mechanisms never matured, leaving them with certain anxiety as they face the world without having had those experiences, or developing that confidence that they can do it by themselves.
However the anxiety presented itself in a person's life, it is real. Until you have actually experienced it yourself, you may believe exactly as I did - "what a crock."
I normally do not agree with the way people raise their children these days,... letting them talk back... discuss things that in my day were not considered proper... letting them dress to express themselves.... things i didn't really agree with before,.... I am rethinking. I am here to learn .. understand ...change my perspective (as we all can) but more importantly, to regurgitate this information to anyone that will listen and maybe get them thinking?? :o) I believe letting your child speak up - talking to your child about REAL things.... letting them FEEL it's okay to express what they're thinking.. feeling.... may really be of more importance than just letting them win the argument about getting a Mohawk - or pink hair? Discuss with them "why" did they get so upset.. let them understand their emotions... "why" did you yell that at your sister? Bringing emotional behavior back to them, when they are calm,... will help them to 'own' it - understand it, and even better,... see that you are listening and WANT to KNOW how/why they felt a certain way. They want to be heard - understood - and it seems this generation is doing a better job of that than the era I grew up in. Perhaps they will feel empowered at a young age and not feel inferior or like they are not valued as much as others - thereby never letting that anxiety settle into their bodies waiting to attack them later. Nope. It will not have a chance.
Now to put it in perspective, i must differentiate between fear and anxiety. Any time you face what seems to be a serious threat to your well-being, you may react with the state of immediate alarm, known as FEAR. When you cannot pinpoint a specific cause for your alarm, but you feel tense and edgy, as if you EXPECT something unpleasant to happen - a sense of upcoming danger; that describes anxiety. The physiological features of fear and anxiety are very similar: increased breathing or a difficult time breathing, muscular tension, perspiration, increased heart rate... etc. The body responds the same to fear and anxiety, but they are definitely not the same.
I started having anxiety attacks about five years ago. I have slight ones frequently during the week... just a feeling that something is going to happen (which coincidentally, i am normally right - but that is a whole other topic to be discussed at a later date). I have only experienced a severe attack a few times - three to be exact. It can be crippling - the first time I truly thought I was having a heart attack.
In studying anxiety disorders i have found several interesting facts that i would like to share. According to Freud, children who were 'stifled' by their parents - not able to express themselves, or scared to misbehave due to particular consequences, may be at risk for adult anxiety. Think about it.. children experience realistic anxiety when they face actual danger as a young child, neurotic anxiety wen they are repeatedly prevented, by parents, or by circumstance, from expressing their id impulses, and moral anxiety when they are punished or threatened for expressing certain impulses. I have thought about this one frequently. My parents were very strict. We did not talk out of turn or discuss things of a sexual nature. We did not feel able to express our ideas freely, in my opinion. My parents are great, don't get me wrong, but certain generations are likely to grow up that exact same way: with manners, and proper behavior. Did having to leave the room all the time when our folks had company make us feel inferior? Not worthy of contributing to a conversation? Did not being able to express our anger during our teen years for fear of being in trouble.. or not being able to argue our points (wrong or right,.. isn't it important to be heard?)~ did these suppressed feelings lie in wait, -- stuffed deep down into our subconscious, waiting to creep out during our adult lives in the shape of adult anxiety?
Biological theorists believe that anxiety disorder is caused chiefly by biological factors - family pedigree. Researchers try to study how many people of the same pedigree have a tendency towards anxiety disorders. Like most studies, there are always studies to rebuke that - i mean,... if three of five children have anxiety disorders, is it because of their family genes, ... or (as i believe) because they were raised in the same atmosphere - raised by the same parents - thereby not really involving your physiological make-up at all .. but more like your immediate environment.
It is also argued that some children's ego defense mechanisms may simply be too weak to cope with even normal levels of anxiety. Overprotected children, shielded by their parents from all frustrations and threats, have little opportunity to develop effective defense mechanism. When they face the pressures of adult life, their defense mechanisms never matured, leaving them with certain anxiety as they face the world without having had those experiences, or developing that confidence that they can do it by themselves.
However the anxiety presented itself in a person's life, it is real. Until you have actually experienced it yourself, you may believe exactly as I did - "what a crock."
I normally do not agree with the way people raise their children these days,... letting them talk back... discuss things that in my day were not considered proper... letting them dress to express themselves.... things i didn't really agree with before,.... I am rethinking. I am here to learn .. understand ...change my perspective (as we all can) but more importantly, to regurgitate this information to anyone that will listen and maybe get them thinking?? :o) I believe letting your child speak up - talking to your child about REAL things.... letting them FEEL it's okay to express what they're thinking.. feeling.... may really be of more importance than just letting them win the argument about getting a Mohawk - or pink hair? Discuss with them "why" did they get so upset.. let them understand their emotions... "why" did you yell that at your sister? Bringing emotional behavior back to them, when they are calm,... will help them to 'own' it - understand it, and even better,... see that you are listening and WANT to KNOW how/why they felt a certain way. They want to be heard - understood - and it seems this generation is doing a better job of that than the era I grew up in. Perhaps they will feel empowered at a young age and not feel inferior or like they are not valued as much as others - thereby never letting that anxiety settle into their bodies waiting to attack them later. Nope. It will not have a chance.
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