My Dad

So here we are in February again. It's a time of the year that brings back many feelings/emotions about my Dad. His birthday was February 23, 1938. He would have been 72 this year. Unfortunately my dad passed away on March 1st, 2002, eight years ago. One week after his birthday. Many people don't get to say goodbye and spend time with their loved one before they pass, so I feel very blessed in that sense. What a different blog this would be right now if i never got to spend that time with him and say goodbye.

The knowledge of our mortality causes anxiety but this anxiety doesn't have to be negative; it can be (and should be) used to motivate people to get as much out of life as they can. A particularly eloquent expression of the inevitability of death came from Stewart Alsop, a writer who kept a diary of the last years of his life, as he was dying of leukemia. In one of the late entries in his journal he said, "A dying man needs to die just as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless to resist." Dad was ill, and he got tired of fighting it, and went to sleep. Thanks to God, my mom and all my siblings were able to be at his bedside. How rare and beautiful that is, that we each got to say goodbye and hold hands around him as God called him home.

Researchers believe that adults may prepare for death through some process of reminiscence. Deeper still, there may be unconscious changes that occur in the weeks just before death - mental and physical changes included. We were able to reminisce with dad as we spent several weeks with him, taking care of him, and enjoying his love, humor, and laugh. As I look back, the mental changes in him, though devastating at the time, may have actually been a blessing in disguise, as he seemed to not be mentally there at times. Perhaps God does that on purpose to make the process less of a realization for the person fading away? Dad had good moments and bad ones, ~ he came out of a very coma-like illness on day, just long enough to say goodbye to each of us... and i have heard that happens more than you think. They are given one last hour of clarity and realization in order to comfort their loved ones. He didn't wake up again, and died two days later. Dad wouldn't have done it any other way. I miss him.

A few favorite memories of this wonderful man: he planted a baby buggy on the roof of the house, to show us little kids, that Santa must have dropped it,... bringing me green and gold roses (school colors) to my all state basketball game ... quiet talks in the late night about faith, God and family.... my high school graduation - standing around the bon-fire, telling me how proud he was of me. He was strong and encouraging in his own low-key, confident, positive way. He made strangers feel comfortable and could talk two crazed drunks out of fighting and have them laughing together in no time. He was a diplomat, he was a gentleman. He was strong, loving, and generous.

I miss you Dad. I love you. It's been 8 years and some days are still pretty tough ...i still might say, my dad died a year or so ago... because it doesn't feel like 8 years,... and some days i can get overwhelmed by a huge and sudden feeling of emptiness that can bring me to my knees and criple me with pain.... disbelief that you are not here. Just gone; way too soon. I always talk to you, think of you, and have you in my heart at every moment. I know that you watch over us, and that is what makes it OK - knowing you are holding a spot for all of us in God's kingdom, where we will all be together again someday. That brings peace to my heart on the rough days.

Happy Birthday February 23rd! I will send you balloons! Happy birth day into Heaven... March 1st!!! I miss you. I love you.